Thursday, November 27, 2008

I love The Office

The Economy according to Michael Scott of Dunder Mifflin

Here's the thing about this so-called "financial crisis," if it were really bad, people would be jumping out of buildings on Wall Street. No one's jumping out of buildings, so it's probably just the media scaring us again, just like it did about birds catching the flu and cows getting mad. But there is a problem and in order to make things right, the government needs to start printing more money and lots of it. Now I know it takes money to make money, but I sell paper and you can get a couple hundred sheets of it for a buck, thousands if you buy in bulk. If the government bought some quality Dunder Mifflin paper to print new money on, believe me, they'd make a huge profit on the deal even after the cost of ink. So if anyone knows Barack Obama, please forward this to him, and make sure he knows we're having an incredible special on Hammermill Great White recycled copy paper-99.99% jam free! But if the government insists on continuing to get ripped off by the big box chains, there are other fixes. When it comes to stocks, they should start buying low and then selling high. I hear that's a good way to maximize profits. They should also consider focusing more on "transparency," "sustainability," and "stabilization." Those appear to be good things. At the same time we should avoid "recessions," "speculative bubbles," and "asset-liability mismatches," because according to Yahoo Answers, those are really bad things. Plus, they could cut or raise interest rates depending on the situation. I think if we take these simple steps, all our economic troubles will probably just go away, like global warming did after Al Gore made that really boring film.
*excerpt from Dunder Mifflin Newsletter
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